Link Banana

I thought this line, noted by Noreen Malone, was good enough to share. After tasting the spit bucket after a sampling of wines from a smattering of American states, Joel Stein writes:

As I took a swig and swirled it around to gross out my friends, I thought it tasted like America. It was sweet, funky, simple, aggressive and not as bad as you’d been led to believe.

I thought this little collection of lists from yesterday’s New York Times was enjoyable enough to share. It, as Matt observed about “Fourteen Passive Aggressive Appetizers,” straddles the line between clever banter and the tired redeployment of a tired idea to reach your word count. A sample:

STUFF GRANDPARENTS LIKE

Anything cinnamon
Any Brach’s candy
Craftmatic adjustable beds
Quilted toaster covers
Water aerobics
Buicks

Matthew Baldwin recently compiled a list of reactions to his not own a cellphone through history. It makes an interesting story. The first few:

1998: Solidarity (“Yeah, me neither — I hate those things!”)
1999: Envy (“Lucky you; I had to get one for work.”)
2000: Indifference (“Okay, what’s your home phone number then?”)
2001: Encouragement (“You should get one — you can play Tetris on them now!”)

This very nearly made me cry.

(via Andrew Sullivan)

I thought Joel Stein had mastered the George Clooney profile a few weeks ago. A.J. Jacobs may have just topped him.

You may Google yourself from time to time, but George Clooney doesn’t. How could he? It’s different for him. It’s overwhelming. Its infinite madness could disintegrate a man’s personality. “George Clooney” pops up on nearly 11 million sites on the Internet. Spend a day browsing these sites and you will find unfathomable rage and baffling adoration. You will find America with all its insane colors refracted through the prism of George Clooney.

But George Clooney is also a brave man, and today he has agreed to spend a couple of hours exploring what the Internet has to say about George Clooney. A sort of This Is Your Virtual Life. Today he will see things that shock him, scare him, and make him shake with laughter. He will see things so disturbing that he will walk out of the room horrified. Also, he will see his own nipples.

(via brijit)

A few weeks ago, Jon Stewart said that he no longer found it possible to hate the president. I agreed then, and I still agree after seeing this. An explanation and more is at The Lede. As it describes the video:

The video is grainy, and Mr. Bush isn’t visible on most of it. But the lyrics, which poke fun at some of the most controversial moments in the Bush administration — the prosecution of vice presidential aide Scooter Libby, the collapse of his nomination of Harriet Miers, former White House counsel, to the Supreme Court — are almost entirely clear, over the laughter.

Entertainment Weekly columnist Mark Harris found some valuable things to say about the “F — -ing Ben Affleck” video after fighting the urge to avoid discussing it.

Right. In the movies and on TV, straight people have sort of agreed not to murder us or beat us up or make overtly vicious sport of us anymore, and to frown sternly in the direction of any heterosexuals who have not gotten that memo — offenders who, if necessary, will get the strongest punishment straight people can give out, which is a very severe talking-to from Katherine Heigl or a comedy about the importance of tolerance from Adam Sandler. And in exchange, gay people are expected to prove that we can take a joke. The same joke. Over and over again. Here’s the joke: You know what would be completely hilarious? IF SOMEBODY WAS GAY!

(via brijit)

Vulture brings news that The Onion is unveiling a movie, and though they seem to have no idea what the movie will be about, they’re convinced it will be hilarious. Based on the trailer, I don’t find it terribly hard to agree.

You’re probably aware that conservative icon William F. Buckley Jr. died earlier this week. You may not be aware that he gave David Brooks a job because of piece of satire he wrote about the man. That and other details are in the best eulogy for him I’ve read.

“Buckley spent most of his infancy working on his memoirs,” I wrote in my faux-biography. “By the time he had learned to talk, he had finished three volumes: ‘The World Before Buckley,’ which traced the history of the world prior to his conception; ‘The Seeds of Utopia,’ which outlined his effect on world events during the nine months of his gestation; and ‘The Glorious Dawn,’ which described the profound ramifications of his birth on the social order.”

The Onion’s A.V. Club has a good interview with the inimitable John Cleese of Monty Python fame.

AVC: You turned down the role that eventually went to Bruce Willis in The Bonfire Of The Vanities.

JC: Oh my God, yes, you’re absolutely right. I did.

NR: Beyond common sense and good judgment, what was the thinking behind that?

JC: I liked Brian De Palma’s thrillers. I thought they were fantastic. But I’d never seen any sign of comedy in them. You might love those Bourne movies, but you wouldn’t necessarily want to run off and do a comedy with their director. So I thought that was a bit risky. So I did turn that down. How’d you know that?

AVC: There’s a website called notstarring.com where they list roles actors have passed on.

PS: That website: very cool stuff.

PPS: The second half drags a little. If you only read one page of this, be sure it’s the first.

Perhaps it’s an elaborate joke. Perhaps Vulture’s just wrong (one commenter suggests that this could be for Glenn Beck). It’s interesting nonetheless. From the ad posted on Mediabistro, emphasis mine.

The right candidate will be self directed news junkie who has the ability to meet deadlines without supervision. A track record in developing smart and engaging copy, infused with clever and unconventional humor is also a must. Knowledge of current events and politics is required and the ideal candidate will be comfortable writing point of view monologues for a political ideology that may differ from their own.