Archive for the ‘mcsweeney’s’ tag
Hamlet on Facebook #
A clever retelling of the play.
(via Mark Larson, where a commenter claims it’s “a ripoff”)
Inaudible Email Addresses #
It’s best not to try to say to someone that your email address is:
- MikeUnderscore2004@yahoo.com
- MikeAtYahooDotCom@hotmail.com
- Mike_WardAllOneWord@yahoo.com
- AAAAAThatsSixAs@yahoo.com
- One1TheFirstJustTheNumberTheSecondSpelledOut@hotmail.com
(via kung fu grippe)
Cookie Monster Reflects #
I’d been saving this for a rainy day. It rained today. Thus:
Me love cookies. Me tend to get out of control when me see cookies. Me know it not natural to react so strongly to cookies, but me have weakness. Me know me do wrong. Me know it isn’t normal. Me see disapproving looks. Me see stares. Me hurt inside.
When me get back to apartment, after cookie binge, me can’t stand looking in mirror—fur matted with chocolate-chip smears and infested with crumbs. Me try but me never able to wash all of them out. Me don’t think me is monster. Me just furry blue person who love cookies too much. Me no ask for it. Me just born that way.
(via kottke)
About Our Parents #
Two bits caught my eye recently, both expressing the complicated and often conflicted relationship we have with our parents.
- For McSweeney’s, Jen Statsky made a mostly-playful list of “Conversations My Parents Must Have Had While Planning to Raise a Child.”
- For the New York Times Magazine, Bob Morris explained his complete failure to try to convert his 82-year-old father to city living.
Hemingway on the NCAA’s Best #
Something of a sequel to Teams We Hate, John Frank Weaver imagines for McSweeney’s what Hemingway would have to say about the NCAA Tournament.
North Carolina Tar Heels
Roy Williams is soft. His hands look manicured. They have never pulled tobacco from the dirt. He has never gutted a fish fresh from the sea. Soldiers shoot soft men in the back rather than follow them into battle. Williams should look out. He should watch his back. But junior forward Tyler Hansbrough is a 2-ton bull in baby-blue shorts. When he broke his nose last year, he saw red. He charged. His horns went down and gored opposing players. I would fight with this man. I would die for him. If a bullet met him, I would cradle his head till he left this earth. After the platoon’s soldiers shoot Roy Williams in the back, they’ll follow Sergeant Hansbrough into combat. Hansbrough and UNC charge to the Elite Eight.
“Page Six” Gets Personal #
McSweeney’s walks a fine line between being entertaining and annoying. This one falls firmly on the entertaining side of that line.
Brad Pitt is reportedly getting irritated by a sound Angelina Jolie sometimes makes when she chews food … Cuba Gooding Jr. has stopped following college basketball … Lucy Liu is lukewarm about this season’s Tuesday-night prime-time offerings … My friend Tony isn’t a fan of calamari, it was revealed on Saturday at our local Olive Garden … Tobey Maguire still occasionally thinks about his second-grade tormentor Jason Higgins …
The Pros and Cons of Democratic Candidates #
Like the last post, this is about the presidential campaign. Unlike the last post this is almost completely divorced from reality. John Moe’s somewhat dated (from last April) rundown of the Top 20 Democratic candidates is both awesome and absurd. I feel confident in saying it wouldn’t be either were it not both.
7. OPTIMUS PRIME
Pro: Size; power; ability to emit short-range optic blasts.
Con: Potential attack ad: “Sometimes Optimus Prime is a robot, other times a truck. Which is it, Mr. Prime? America deserves a leader that doesn’t transform whenever it’s convenient.”